Sometimes Setbacks and Relapses Are a Part of Recovery
- Dani Spongé
- Aug 7
- 4 min read
Article Contents
You were doing well; maybe you hadn’t had a drink in months. Maybe you stopped engaging in a behavior you were trying to change. Maybe you finally built a routine that made you feel more like yourself.
Then something happened. Maybe one bad day became two. An old coping mechanism came back. You did the thing you promised yourself you wouldn’t do again. And almost immediately, the thought arrives: I ruined all my progress.
Relapse can feel devastating, especially when you’ve worked hard to make a change. But recovery and behavior change rarely happen in one perfectly straight line.
A setback doesn’t erase the work you’ve already done. In fact, understanding why a relapse happened can help you figure out what you need to keep moving forward.
What Does Relapse Mean in Recovery?
We often hear the word “relapse” when talking about substance use or addiction, but people can experience setbacks with many different behaviors and mental health challenges.
You might find yourself returning to old coping mechanisms when you’re overwhelmed. Anxiety or depression symptoms may become more difficult after a period when you were doing well. You might fall back into unhealthy eating patterns, self-isolation, people-pleasing, or another behavior you’ve been working to change.
When that happens, it’s easy to think you’re back at the beginning. But think about everything that happened between then and now.
Maybe you learned how to recognize certain triggers. You practiced healthier coping strategies. You asked for help when you needed it. You handled situations differently than you would have six months or a year ago.
But guess what? A relapse doesn’t erase any of that.
Common Reasons People Experience Relapse
There usually isn’t one simple reason. Old behaviors often developed because, at some point, they did something for us. They may have helped us cope with stress, avoid painful emotions, feel more in control, or get through an overwhelming situation.
Even after developing healthier coping skills, you can still feel pulled toward familiar behaviors when life becomes difficult.
Some common relapse triggers can include:
Increased stress
Relationship conflict
Grief or loss
Feeling lonely or isolated
Major life transitions
Changes in your normal routine
Being around people, places, or situations connected to an old behavior
Not getting enough sleep or taking care of basic needs
Feeling overly confident that you no longer need your usual supports
Sometimes a relapse can also show you that a coping strategy that worked before isn’t enough for what you’re dealing with now, and that can be extremely useful information.
Why Shame Often Follows a Relapse
After a relapse, you might feel embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, or angry with yourself. Those feelings can quickly turn into thoughts like:
“I should have known better.”
“I messed everything up.”
“Everyone is going to be disappointed in me.”
“What’s the point of trying again?”
The problem is that shame often makes us want to hide. You may avoid your therapist, stop talking to someone who has supported your recovery, or convince yourself that because you already slipped once, continuing the behavior doesn’t matter.
Instead of asking, “Why did I fail?” it may be more helpful to ask, “What happened?”
What were you feeling beforehand? Was something unusually stressful happening? Did you encounter a trigger you weren’t prepared for? Had you stopped doing some of the things that were helping you?
Looking at a relapse with curiosity doesn’t mean ignoring its consequences. It means trying to understand what happened so you can respond differently next time.
How to Respond After a Relapse
You don’t have to figure out your entire recovery plan immediately.
Start with what you need right now.
Reach out to someone you trust. It can be tempting to isolate yourself when you’re embarrassed. Talking to a therapist, trusted friend, family member, sponsor, support group, or another person involved in your recovery can help you reconnect with support.
Think about what happened before the relapse. Try to identify any emotions, situations, or changes that may have contributed. Recognizing patterns can help you prepare for similar situations in the future.
Return to what was helping. Think about the routines, coping strategies, boundaries, or supports you were using before the setback. You may not need to start over—you may simply need to reconnect with them.
Adjust your plan if you need to. Sometimes relapse shows us where additional support is needed. You might need different coping strategies, stronger boundaries, more frequent support, or a new approach to a particular trigger.
And if you’re working with a therapist, tell them what happened. You don’t need to have an explanation ready. Talking openly about setbacks gives you an opportunity to understand them instead of handling them alone.
Recovery Is a Journey, Not a Destination
One setback doesn’t cancel out weeks, months, or years of progress. If you’ve been working toward recovery or changing an unhealthy behavior, you’ve probably learned things about yourself along the way that you didn’t know when you started.
You still have that knowledge. You still have the coping skills you’ve practiced. And you can use what happened during a relapse to better understand what you need going forward.
Progress isn’t always about never struggling again. Sometimes it’s noticing a familiar pattern sooner, asking for help more quickly, understanding your triggers better, or making a different choice the next time you’re faced with the same situation.
How Therapy Can Help After a Relapse
Therapy can provide a space to talk about relapse without reducing your entire recovery to one setback.
Depending on what you’re experiencing, therapy may help you:
Identify triggers and patterns that contributed to the relapse
Understand the emotions connected to certain behaviors
Develop additional coping strategies
Work through shame or self-criticism
Strengthen boundaries and support systems
Create a plan for navigating future triggers
You don’t have to wait until things become overwhelming to reach out for support.
At ACR Counseling, our clinicians provide trauma-informed, affirming teletherapy for clients in Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. If you’re struggling with a setback, old coping patterns, or your mental health, therapy can help you understand what happened and decide what comes next.
A relapse may be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the end of it.
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